dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
