Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
