Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
