When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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