and she was petting her beer can
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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