They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
