Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
FUCK WHALES
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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