Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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