thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
