Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Never joke about your clitoris.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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