tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
