giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
