had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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