Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
