Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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