wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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