I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
