I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
