i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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