Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
