I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
