I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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