Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
