Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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