I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
