Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
