just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and you said cock pushups were impossible
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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