actually, I'm a sock model
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
