im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
