One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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