I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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