I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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