i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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