i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
