Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
