he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
