on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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