i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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