She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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