my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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