Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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