its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
