I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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