I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
