Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
