the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
