is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
