i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
