On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
