Don't you send me to vm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
