What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize