Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
