Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
