but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
