we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
