you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
