First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
