hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
