The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
