just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
