Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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