my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
