Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
