I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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