She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
