Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
