IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
