A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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