hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No I am not eating basil off your cock
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
