i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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