If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
