All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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