honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
