I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
