I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize